I've been sitting on this for a while. I have watched the church wither and known the disappointment of watching her act with reservation as a spinster instead of anticipation as a bride.
The time has come for Ezekial to arise and prophesy over the valley of dry bones and call the body of Christ up. To prophesy the joining of the bones, the sinew and muscle to make her mobile- even the skin, or flesh must be called on to put a face on Christ that is believable.
The church has curried a reputation of judgment and cultural vandalism, calling on people to make themselves lovable before they can become part. Acts 10, Peter on the roof taking a nap, "Don't call unclean what I call clean", "Where sin abounds, there grace abounds also",
The body of Christ will become the Bride of Christ when they have united to singular purpose- to call the kingdom of heaven to manifest. To see effective healing prayer not by a single person but corporeally by the body, or when no one is consciously praying, but the reality of the kingdom of heaven manifesting on the earth in worship that requires the enemy to stand back and release whatever or be filleted.
But first Ezekial must rise up and prophesy... and it's nearly time.

Tonight I asked for prayer for the trip to The Gathering. Sandy Coultas asked if I would go as an emissary of this region, to which I responded yes. Then as she was praying I kept my hands open palms up and close to me.
In the midst of the time of prayer I felt a drop of something that felt like anointing oil drop in my right hand. In a matter of moments I felt a drop in my left hand, but there was more- it ran to the side of my hand. I opened my eyes to see if someone had poured oil in my hand and there was no one with a vial nearby. I looked at my hands in a secret fashion, as I didn't want to disturb the flow, to see the shine of oil or anything wet on my palms and there was nothing.
A short moment later someone prayed something about God anointing my hands with oil. Again I looked and saw nothing of what I had felt physically drop into my hands.
I closed my eyes and in a short moment someone abruptly struck the palm of my right hand with what felt like a finger tip. Poked it hard enough to cause my hand to move.
Again I looked and there was no one around giving any indication that they had ministered to me in this fashion. No one leaving the scene, and the only hands nearby had been holding my hands at the time.
Then an offering was taken and my money available for this trip was doubled. I guess that my Father is serious about this trip.
Also, the word to me was that doors were about to open and doors behind me were about to close. Do you suppose I won't have a job when I get back? I just don't know.

Sunday morning before worship- 5 minutes before worship, I sneaked up to the the upper room where the intercessors band for war.
I stepped in behind a warrior that I have gone and will go into battle with. A brother who honors the call within each of our squad and I trust to cover my back as he can trust me to cover his. The intercessors were banded together about him and I did take his back, steeling him with anything that I had to offer.
The then caught sight of me and began to bless me in ways that I haven't yet caught the whole of. One began to answer a prayer prayed and confessed 8 years ago.
In the Voyage of the Dawntreader by CS Lewis There was a young rascal named Edmond who found himself enchanted and turned into a dragon.
He found his cousins but they didn't recognize him and thought him a threat until they saw a tear fall from his eye. It was not long before Aslan appeared and asked Edmund if he would repent from his contrary ways.
He repented and Aslan attacked him, tearing away the scales and dragon flesh that covered him.
I was without visible scale but they were torn away just the same.
Weapons removed and old wounds healed.
Next hands laid on me were accompanied by words of freedom to roar and to speak what God puts in my mouth. I was likened to a grizzly bear giving the enemy cause for worry and given permission to offend the enemy.
There was more, but my memory fails.
My friend Brian escorted me down the stairs and I joined worship that was in progress at that time.

I'm looking for a picture that sort of captures who I seem to be currently. This one catches my eye as I know that I am a bear and I do love the river.
For anyone who happens upon this blog, I should explain that the river is kind of a euphemism for the living and active kingdom of heaven on earth.
There is a newness in creation that draws me to want to protect it. Not wildly, like some eco-freak, but because all creation waits for the sons of God to manifest. When this takes place much that has been wrong will be right.

And I am a bear that will protect it. Protect God's creation, His plan, His anointing. It's not that they need my protection, it's in my DNA.
And it's not just about nature. I have friends that I would do everything that I could to keep them safe. I have a friend that I am drawn to serve and it is to meet any needs that I can within the boundaries that the Father restrains me with.
And my own weaknesses.
Last night I experienced a failure in protecting what I love. I didn't recognize the disturbance in the kingdom as it pertains to me and my tribe.
I knew something was up but I thought it was my something and didn't recognize how big it was.
In fact, there was something very big going on and I was distracted by my own flea.
I have got to get a handle on this before I go much farther. There is some dark places for me to go yet and I can't afford to miss anything. It will only lead to the failure of my mission, whatever mission I may be dealing with at the time. On the other hand, there is that side of me that has freedom to do and to fight and to express myself knowing that The Father knows me and has set aside bit of me just for fun. Like the three fat sisters in "The Point" from Harry Nilsson whose point was fun and merriment. That is what I see in the next picture.
Sometimes it's a problem, but mostly not so much. And I leave the photographers credits on the shots. They are very nice shots.

It started with a trip to Costco on the way home before the last conference. I wandered around and thot, "Ooh, I can eat chili cold, I should grab a case so that I can keep some handy."
At the conference, the guy preaching (Jeremy Nelson) made an off-handed comment about chili being the price of the prophet's reward.
Guess who had chili in the trunk of his car...
And at the end of the service I chased him out the door, chili in hand, and said, "I came for my reward."
He looked at me like I was nuts. He had no context, so I reminded him of what he had said in the sermon and he looked at me, touched my chest and said, "Lord give him financial prosperity," and continued on to the car.
I thought, "I would have liked a little more" thinking about maybe some prophecy, but having been around ministry I have a great respect for protocol and didn't press. I just told the Lord, "It will be good because it's all you anyway."
The next night I played my djembe in worship like a man possessed, which I was. (The Holy Spirit likes my drum.)
After we finished and I left the platform, my friend came and told me that someone had given him an envelope and handed it to me. It felt like some folded bills and so I was curious, but I had no idea.
I went around the corner and tore the corner open and saw a $100 bill. I opened it and fanned ten $100 bills. I was speechless.
And there was no plan, no request, no idea what it was for. Just "here Todd, I love you."
I've made some decisions that may not have been the best, but I'm trying.
AND
a couple of days ago I was thinking about the cars that I have driven in the past few years. Cars that were given to me. I began to think about the names- Trail blazer... Forerunner... And now a Cavalier.

Trailblazer:

1.	a person who blazes a trail for others to follow through unsettled country or wilderness; pathfinder.

2.	a pioneer in any field of endeavor: a trailblazer in science.

Forerunner:

1. 1. One that precedes, as in time; a predecessor.
   2. An ancestor; a forebear.
   3. One that comes before and indicates the approach of another; a harbinger.
   4. A warning sign or symptom.

Cavalier:

5.	haughty, disdainful, or supercilious: an arrogant and cavalier attitude toward others.

6.	offhand or unceremonious: The very dignified officials were confused by his cavalier manner.

Yeah, thats what I feared, but...

1.	a horseman, esp. a mounted soldier; knight.

2.	one having the spirit or bearing of a knight; a courtly gentleman; gallant.

3.	a man escorting a woman or acting as her partner in dancing.

And Dave found something about "standing alone", as I remember. I felt pretty good about that. Ill take it. Jesus loves me. whew!

Well, I've found the path back. Walked toward the light. Found a couple of old friends.
I was blessed again by another friend last night who tried to loan me a car for a time and it was another blessing rip-off, but I'm trying to partner with God instead of merely being a member of the nag of Christ as I have shown myself ever so capable of being. It is more than having nowhere else to go. Despite this period that I am experiencing, I am convinced that He is still involved and in the midst of some intricate reshaping of who I am. And part of the game seems to be whether or not I can figure out who I am which may be the key to moving on.

I have heard of the long dark night of the soul. I am now in it, and it feels as if it is a polar night- lasting months instead of of hours.
I can't seem to lay hold of any of the blessings that the Father has offered. He gave me a car... three cars, and none of them run. I can't lay hold of spark in one, I can't lay hold of fuel in one and the third is a purely mechanical failure that is beyond my ability to find help for.
I am home from work today (losing money that I can't afford to lose) because I can't seem to get it.
Someone walked up to me and pressed $100 into my hand and I can't find the check.
Where is my God? Where is the one whose name I have looked to for refuge? Where is the God in whom my salvation rests?
I have been afraid of late that I have been caught up in a performance mindset. I have lived within that all of my life, I can't get passed the thought that my life hangs upon my performance, that blessing comes to those who have the magic formula, do the right thing, say the magic words. And then *POOF* prosperity.
I don't really have faith. I certainly don't trust.
Hope.
Hope is what I have at this point.
Worship is the place where I perform for Him and therefore He can find me and I can allow Him to touch me, but that is about the only place where I slide out a
nerve to feel anything. Everything else is because I have no choice to believe it. Where else can I go. Who else can I cling to. Without Him there is only the unknown. A paradox, because He is the great unknown incapable of limiting Himself to my expectations and unwilling to to satisfy the lowness of them, and I am losing even that at this point.
I have never been so depressed as I am now, and none of my perceptions are valid. It is all perspective, and I've kept myself low and wallowing in the mire of my own corruption, falling back to the things that I can effect to get the security that I long for, and I am wrong for it.
I have had the suggestion that I need to throw money at God like a virgin at a volcano, but I have sunk low enough that I don't have that any longer. I could give God the $100 that I can't find, but that would be a mere gesture. But on the other hand, isn't that what all of that is any since I don't have it unless He gives it to me anyway? And like a two year old child it clutch it to my breast and yell "mine!"
And now I feel as though I am careening down a hill and I can't keep even one foot on a pedal to slow my descent. I'm sorry. It's not up to me. I can't reason it out alone and their is an air raid siren in my head that stops me from hearing anything helpful.

I wrote a song today. It was a great experience. I love it when God does things through us and we just catch them in the process. It's exciting to have written something that doesn't seem contrived. It just felt good.
Wanna hear, it here it goes...

She walks home from school In a small little town Not part of the others She refuses to frown

Closes her door Holds tight her guitar This gift from the king Makes a glorious sound

She whispers a lyric It’s carried away To the court of the king As He forges her crown

She knows the King In ways that I long to

It seems like a dream A well that I’m drawn to

When she plays guitar Or begins to sing

I have a new mandate Engaging the King

Piercing eyes I’m drawn to engage The knowing look Of a secreted sage

The lilting laughter Of an Irish maid The heart of a lion When she’s up on the stage

And she is my friend Over coffee and more Hearing her sing My heart seems to roar

She knows the King In ways that I long to

She’s got a dream A well that I’m drawn to

When she plays guitar And begins to sing

I have a new mandate Engaging the King

She’s living evidence The King pays attention When she plays her guitar He stands to His feet

She sets a precedence Of awe and adoration When she calls his name His heart skips a beat

And she’s living evidence He gives beauty for ashes When He calls her name She dances around

She sets a precedence Of praise in the madness She sings out His name And we’re all glory bound

I don't have a lot to say about it, it is what it is, but I love the Master for giving it to me.

Can you imagine this? We have been hearing about this tidal wave that is on it's way and there are a lot of people who are looking for it in the natural and there are a number of us that are expecting it to fall in a spiritual sense.
I expect it to fall like the waters did when they destroyed the army of pharaoh in Moses time. I can think of some things that I would like to see wrecked beyond repair, but then again, I look around my town and see the destruction wrought by the people who think that they have something to gain by allying themselves with someone who can't tell the truth against someone who will not lie.
But I believe that the manifestation of this wave has more to do with wrecking the church- "people of faith" Those who don't know will be subject to a choice while those who know will be subject to a whole other kind of judgement.

So last night at Tom and Pat's they thought that perhaps since we have Shock and Awe, the sisters from alternate worlds but the same reality, Ben and I should have nicknames.
I made some suggestions, that were panned, and finally Ben, who is known in India as "BENWHITE" turned and said, "okay, I'll be Peace and you be Quiet." It was a roflmao moment... [Don't ask me what that is Pastor Mike, you prolly don't wanna know (I learned it from Elisabeth- shh {LOL})].
So anyway, I am realizing that there is something in me of a ROAR. I had heard something about it earlier, but didn't really get it, now I have been instructed to impart it to some and that presents it's own challenges.
God is pretty funny. He's funnier than we are. I can almost hear the Father and Jesus talking and one of them springing that line on the other. pretty dang funny. Ya' gotta love 'em.

So, drumming was yesterday. We blessed a church and we blessed our God and we were blessed mightily in the process. I didn't hear anyone say not to call them the next time we do it. Pastors Mike and Lori suggest that it might be a quarterly thing, which I believe is a good idea, although there will certainly be times when we will do the same thing with just people who happen to be around. It was just that good.
Perhaps addictive. Like a good cup of coffee that has just the right mhmhmhmhm in it.
We actually got started at about 1915 because we were figuring out how to record what we were doing. The record is held on three disks, including the long silence at the end. God showed up and silence was the only appropriate response, although my short attention span, SAS for short, kicked in and I didn't quite know what to do. I am glad that Elisabeth and Jim were cohorts in this endeavor as I would have missed the quiet parts.
There is power in the silence that I don't quite relate to yet, but God is good and has made a promise to bring me to the place where I can get it. I'm gonna get it. It's decided, and He promised that He would be faithful to complete it. Odd though, that the drums would be part of that process. God has an amazing economy.
(BTW, lest anyone make the error that Dave pointed out to me, in the picture below- that's Dave's wife Sue. The description I suggest in the post could be used to describe her. That's not it's purpose... and that's all I've got to say about that.)

Sorry once again for being gone so long. I'm not on line where it's convenient and though I've started a number of times, the finish, well, that's a whole other issue for me... But I'll put that topic off until later.
This is about DRUMS!!!
Drums thundering, drums beating quielty like the heartbeat of a content mother, drums that sing the cadence of life.
Drums have an ability that is unknown, and the experiment will be to try it out. I believe that they can fashion a structure over our city to hang unity over.
I know, that doesn't make much sense, and I don't know can only imagine what is going to happen, but the goal is to change the heavens so that God's heartbeat is heard and a city comes into alignment in a way that we can work as a christian body.
I figure that it will take a few minutes to get to that place where unity abounds, and I think that on the way there there will be people who cannot quite get it until they get it. Like white people not being able to dance, if you don't mind an earthy reference, eventually we will find Mantovani (from "The Jerk") and we will all be in unity heading toward the heavens.
There is more that I hope to get to, but for this minute, I'm through and want to maintain at least some semblance of keeping up here. Meanwhile, keep tapping your foot. You can't know who's tapping with you.

Bless me readers for I have sinned, it has been nearly a year since my last confession.
I have been better and worse than ever before.
My mom nearly died as a result of a virile infection complicated by doctors who... well, two of the three monkeys were present... No, See no evil was part of the equation as well. They gave her a pain killer, she is deathly alergic to them, in a patch form and couldn't figure out why she was deteriorating. She's much better now, but showing a little wear.
I have still not found the woman of wonder who will beocme my helpmate. I have, on the other hand, met some fine women who I would be more than willing to allow to be. Just something about how much life they have lived- it's awful how much of a difference than can make. Well, that and time isn't exactly bending over backwards to do me any favors.
I have met a brilliant young woman who challenges me on so many levels. Intimidates might be a better description, but she is gentle and has such faith in God and how He is working things out in me- she makes room for me to work out my stuff musically. And we wrote a song together. I put some words down and she put them with a very nice melody and sang it with passion when she let me know what she wrote. I was ecstatic that I had written something that said what I wanted it to say.
Quite nice.

Sorry I've been gone for so long. Work is long and I don't have internet access where I usually think about things to put here... Nor do I have access to my pictures without my own PC. I'm not much good with HTML or downloading from one site to another. But just the same, I was thinking the other day.
Do you suppose that the feast of the Bride will be catered with the fruits of the spirit? That it's going to be a sort of pot-luck and the fruits of the spirit will be most likely one course in the meal. Some time I'll be able to flesh this out, but apparently not now.
cheers

This is the joyous occasion of a boy's Bar Mitvah, as the Russion Orthodox Jews do it. This is outside of the secure area on the way into the Western Wall, where we had just seen Hillary Clinton in for some photo-ops.
The boy on the shoulders is celebrating his entry to man-hood, and the crowd included parents and sisters, it was difficult to figure out who was family who was guest and who was incidental.
The two guys with the horns were blowing them after the fashion of someone trying to create a spectacle... little did they know the spectacle that they were about to meet in the "clintonian" entourage.
I am left with an inherited spectacle currently. A co-worker took
her own life and was found by a couple of my friends. They are my friends and so I will make sure that they are going through the process of mourning and grief that they must, having been the ones closest to her. Reactions have been interesting from others. Disbelief, shock, the intelect kicks in and you want to know how or why. And the other common element to peoples response is about her dog.
Why do I juxtapose this with a young man's Bar Mitzvah- I would like to say that I don't know, but I suppose it's because we go through stages in life, some with fanfare and some without. A boy is celebrated into manhood, a woman has lost all hope. Ecclesiastes says that there is a season for everything, and I see that there are some who just can't wait for the final fruit to ripen, but I can't help but think that even in those moments there is the Brother who was the agent in our adoption who watches and waits with an attentinve ear, waiting to hear us say His name in order to get our attention so He can hold us, even in our last moments of anguish.
I can't help but feel somehow that Jesus was there watching and when she was free of her earthly body, Jesus took her by the chin, wiped her tears away and smiled at her with a smile that spoke of the love that she was longing for. I don't know the outcome of it all, but I know that life is a gift and we all do with it what we can.
Karen you have strengthened my theory that fair is a myth. We will miss you for time, but you will never be on your own again.

Well, this is not in line with where I've been going lately in this blog, but it does speak my heart on a matter.
My Mom and I have agreed to disagree about worship. She is fine with what I grew up with- in fact, needs it to enter true worship, doesn't believe that the Holy Spirit can move unless it's that kind of worship.
I can worship in just about anything, I think that if I have the will to worship He has the will to be worshipped. I don't believe that we can worship in spirit and in truth unless He is enabling us to do so, therefore I wrote this one saturday before thanksgiving after hearing that the renewal pharisees were comparing one worship ministry to another. I admit it is a reaction, but I do believe that it is truth.
The worship Leader is the one who sets the target. They should not necessarily be in the midst of the journey at the time of corporate worship, but rather provide the means for the congregation to get there.
There must also be a time and a place to raise up and challenge worship leaders to go higher. A new venue, a new congregation, a new songlist- but all of these things require an element of risk and most worship leaders don't like to because they are easily cajoled or easily beaten to submission.
God said "touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm." Worshippers fall into the category of "my anointed."
I have heard (and likely made) many critical statements about worshippers, but I didn't really understand that the role of a worship leader is to give the congregation tools, and then it is encumbent on the conngregation to figure out how to use them, not judge them as better or worse, more or less, than someone elses (gifting).
When Jericho fell (I don't have any pictures from Jericho) the Lord required them to march in silence six days around the wall. Six days without carping.
Carping is an axe laid to the root worship with abandon, and if a worshipper, who is ultra-sensitive by Gods design hears critique without love their ability dwindles. Their freedom is stunted and the target is lowered from high praisse to low, from the tabernacle to the temple, from what is acceptable to God to what is acceptable to man.

The picture above is from Mayan Herod, also called Gideons Spring where he chose 300 men to fight against an army without number. This was an act of worship with abandon, to whittle your army down to 300 men against the nations of the east.
Let us ponder abandon for a bit.

The Family Plot

I think that we just happened along past this in the hillside. This is what the tomb that Jesus was buried in would have looked like from the outside with the stone and all. We stopped, but didn't get out which was fine, as I am still not sure of this tombs status, but what a way to be disposed of, eh? covered with things that you hope will smell better than you can ever smell bad and shut up in something like this to keep animals out. I'm not sure that I'd be willing to go.

Cesarea
Just to the left there was where we ended up sitting and learing about Herod and what he built, what was common for any roman city built outside of Rome. An amphitheater, a race track for horses and chariots, an arena.
Here was the amphitheater. They claim that the accoustics are so good that you can get a way with a whisper and here it in the top row. I was called upon to stand and sing and so I sang Amazing Grace and the group sang along.
My group was sitting on the left there just in front of the aisle where the tunnels came out and I stood at ground level- someone told me that was where I should stand. Perhaps the stage would have been better- and it was pretty amazing to get to sing in a place like that.


Cesarea is an on going archeological dig as is shown here and a port city on the mediteranean sea. I'm sure that it was grand when it was newly built, and even now the beauty of the sea is phenomenal.
In the middle of this picture are some columns that had been recovered and in the forground is the stage from the far left side of the stage in the topmost row of seating. Despite that it was built by Herod who murdered every male child under two, it was a marvel.

I asked my friend Seraphim to pray and ask God for a word of encouragement and this is what he received and in turn, I received;

Seems to me I'm hearing the Lord say:

"Elijah didn't hear me in the storm, or in the earth shake, but in the still small voice -- but for you, you'll only hear my voice in the storm."

Then,

"life is problems living is solving them. the peace you ask for is not the peace of a quiet sunny meadow, the peace you seek is the peace of the bird dreaming in her nest safe in her home in the tree in the middle of the terrible thunder storm.

you asked that i use you in this war. know that i am beginning to use your intercessory dance and prayer to move back the darkness in the territory i've placed you in. you may never see the results in the physical, but one day, when you are with me in eternity i will show you what you have reaped

i love you and am with you. remember el shaddai is also the God of the Storm."

An interesting correlation that I had never heard before.
When a close family member in the jewish tradition, a piece of cloth from their clothing is torn as sign of mourningand the clothing that it is cut from is worn for 5 days without respite and then burned. Clothing being something that guards our manifest being from many things and hides our vulnerabilities and nakedness.
Scritpure speaks of the body as a house and as a temple. Jesus said I will destroy this temple and in three days raise it up. He spoke of cleaning house in reference to deliverance.
Now, I wish that I had this revelation on my own, but I really have to be led down the path by the hand.
The tabernacle- outer courts, holy place and holy of holies, a tri-part structure with a veil to hide the heart of God which is the mercy seat and at the moment that Jesus spirit left his body, according to Mark, the veil, the covering over God's heart was torn in two. The Father mourning for His Son, who had just cried out, "Why have you forsaken me!"
He tore the veil, the clothing that covered his manifest presence in an act of grief (not repentance, but grief)
Amazing love, how can it be...

After Cesarea we went to Megido overlooking the Jezreel valley.

Re 16:16 - Show ContextHe gathered them together into the place which is called in Hebrew, "Har-Megiddo."

Megido is a geological formation called a tel like in Tel Aviv and it means that it is a hill that has been built upon a city in ruins. Megido was conoquered 26 times and some sites were rebuilt each time with the same purpose. They know that one circular platform has always been the site of a temple and referred to in scripture as a high place and the place that they have always thought were stables, though, they have recently concluded may have been for grain storage.
The reason that the site was so desirable was that it overlooked the crossroads of commerce, it was the center of the fertile crescent.I tried to get a panorama shot from the side, but I don't know how that will turn out.

Well, I was going to try to do this in order, but I am moved to share about my baptism in the Jordan.
One of my travel mates is a knowledgable teacher and shared with me some of his knowledge on baptism. It was part of the rite of initiation into the levitical priesthood and included an anointing with oil, and so understanding that I have a place amongst the levites I bought a ram's horn shofar to fill with oil and and some oil to fill it.
I went to Israel to see the beginning of the time of my destiny, and I was baptised about thirty years from the time I was first baptised in water by the same man, which I was pretty excited about. Gary has always believed in me and a calling on my life, so he was absolutely okay with a change in protocol on my behalf, the only problem was that I didn't look at the hole in the bottle and know how it would fill the horn before I did it and so where I intended to have about 2 ounces dumped on me, about 5 drops came out, so Gary filled the horn with water and proceeded.
I contemplated breaking the bottle and dumping what I could into the horn, but I was standing in the place prepared for baptisms and did not want broken glass in the pool to be any part of my legacy there and so it was left to water to carry the oil out of the horn.
Oddly enough, though I didn't understand God not interfering in my weak planning to encourage me on into the future, I was frustrated by it, as has often been the case in times past.
And I don't yet know what seeds of ministry were planted but they were well watered. Soon it will all be in the open and I won't have big money worries, just worries about making my connections, but that's a whole other story.

Let's see. We left Seattle sunday and spent a bit of time in London monday. Went to the tube station that lets out across the street from Big Ben, then flew out for Tel Aviv that night to arrive at about 0430. We were all a little ragged at that point.
We got on the bus and met Devorah, without doubt the most insightful and knowledgable guide in the Holy Land and we were off and running. We went to Herod's port city at Cesarea where I was asked to sing from the base of the stage to illustrate the great acoustics in such a place. I also got to climb a little bit on the old viaduct that ran from Carmel to Cesarea.
This is Jacob, Reed and myself where
the viaduct ends in Cesarea.

We drove through and saw the huge banana farms and learned some about the kibutz in the area.
Devorah also talked about how the Rothschilds started a vineyard there for Carmel Wines, but she never mentioned what they do with the prickley pear cactus that were being farmed, and there were some other places as well. Too Tired to catch it then, too tired to remember it now.
Talk about sensory overload.

I just got in last night after being in Israel for 7 days- two days in Tiberias and 5 days in Jerusalem. Too much to put here in one day but I think that I will try and re-live some of it here over the next little while.
The hardest part of the trip was witnessing how thoughtless people can be, and I was probably the most. I typically come with the attitude that people are christians and will approach things from a conservative standpoint with grace and mercy abounding. Especially when we were in a foreign land.
I have come to the conclusion that the older generation believes that they did everything possible during world war two and the holocaust is just history that the time for reaction is past... That cleanliness really is next to godliness... That you are safe in any country if you are an american and any opinion that wanders into your head has validity no one has the right to stop you from sppeaking it out no matter how inane it is... It is incumbent on your tour host and guide to allow you to wander at will and then to come and find you at the expense of time and the hopes of others that are on the tour.
That off my chest, I had a great time. Baptised in the Jordan by the man who baptised me thirty odd years ago, diving into the Dead Sea (a challenge from somebody at church... it only hurt for a while- the aftermath is like rubbing your eyes with rock salt) and walking barefoot in places where it is certain that Jesus walked.
I'll tell details later on some of these things. Comment if you have questions.
t

faithful are the wounds of a friend

Today was a bit rough.
There is a brother that I work with that came up in Shreveport, La. who is a black man. Two cultural differences that I am trying to deal with and I keep coming up on the wrong side of things.
Twice his name has come up in duscussions of sexual harrasment, and yet I really don't believe that he's guilty in either case- One isn't really even worthy of mentioning and we collectively (road supervisor team) made the decision that it was most likely a misunderstanding, and to some degree, a scatter-gun vendetta kind of a deal.
Today he was talking to a white girl that is dating a black man, and makes it no secret. He was chatting with her this morning and some statements were made that could be easily misunderstood if they were taken out of context (that's how I heard them- out of context) and then they were reported by someone that was not involved in the conversation to someone that tends to believe the worst of people. All around it is a somewhat volatile box of tinder.
I spoke to him as much to protect him as to communicate the official word on the subject, but I came away feeling so wrong. I believe in justice and I believe that I am as responsible for it as anyone else, and I'm thinking that a man feels accused of an act that just isn't in him... twice... and I'm not sure that he knows that he's important to me and the company.
I have to study to understand this harrassment business. Particularly since the person who spoke out has made me uncomfortable with things that she has said in the past.
When the "victim" was asked about it, she said that she could handle whatever was happening- isn't this something outside of the definition of harrassment? Isn't harrassment something that is defined on a case by case basis by the "victim" of unwanted attention?
I feel as though I have done a dis-service to my boss as hurting my friend who I believe is without guilt in this instance.
I don't know if I'll come back to this subject or not, but I have purged a minute amount of my angst here so far.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I got into a discussion on theooze last night about grace and how hard it is to receive or understand. I don't know whether I brought them up or Catie did, but the position of the Jews came into it- Ah, it was whether or not the church is getting better with age.
My view is that the church suffers the same kind of effect that the rest of creation seems to- the further from creation, the further the fall.
She brought up the Hebrew being the chosen people, and it seems to me that God said "Hey Abe, I like you and I'm going to do something here for you," but over time He regretted His decision a little and told them that He chose them because they were just enough to identify, but not enough to bew taken seriously and therefore He could show His intentions t'ward man through them.
The Jews are chosen to provide a deliverer, a saviour, the Christ, but they have chosen to be really quite passive about it, other than when they adamantly deny that it is Jesus.
And the church today shudders at change. God doesn't change, but our angle of observation does and we need to realize that it is happening, rather than denying that we can see Him from another side.
Which leads us to the question of the engagement of the flesh these kinds of matters. We have to stop being afraid of it. The flesh will not just lay quietly down to die, and so we must expect it to roll about, and make a ruckus- it's dying, after all. Or at the very least swelling up so that you can see the need to treat the infection.
These are certainly interesting times we live in. And I hope that I'm at least 65% right about my stuff, here. The other 35%... I can't identify it or it would change.Let me know if you have a thought.

I can feel this welling up slowly. It's suddenly like I was born for this.
Thinking last night about this upcoming engagement I remembered laying on the floor at the Fireland Belfast meetings in 1998, godsmacked over something Greg Austin prophesied over me about a knight or being knighted (I don't remember much, but that comes back to me so far) and as I lay there I remember acting out opening my heart and exposing it to the warfare in the room and praying that it would get inside of me. The cadence, the structure, the unforced unity.

It was that night that this seed was planted in me.

I had never been a drummer, never really had a desire beyond the bored drumming of my fingers on occasion. Now I can't believe the standards I have for how it's supposed to work. (God deliver me from that please) but I am getting jazzed.

The following is a work in progress. Not all of it is represented here but I am open to constructive suggestions made by anyone who should happen to find and read this post.

It begins with the principles sitting around an abba drum... Or the leader sitting and beating it and as the principles are ready to join they come in and begin to play in unison. This will continue through an invitation to the Holy Spirit to lead, to invoke a spirit of unity and to free those in attendance to pray and dance.
The abba is continuing throughout this period.
Then the principles, again at the leading of the spirit, will move to there own kits or hand-drums and begin to play in submission to the abba for a time and then all will fall silent for a moment.
The silence will be broken by a principle hearing a spirit led beat whether in exultation and hallel or a call to arms. From this point on it's for the people to play what they feel in their heart. Dancers dance, flaggers flag, intercessors crunch...
I must find a signal for when something specific needs to be done in a unison

Cacophony is out, I think. Unity for the city is a major battle in this endeavor- dynamics, tempo, rhythm are going to be the greatest weapons in our hands during this event.

There is much that I have yet to consider, but these bits need, I believe, to be held on to.

Well, so warfare...
I am of the opinion that there are so many things that we as a body are conflicted about, at what point do we begin to die to ourselves, to those truths that we wrap our minds around to the extent that there is a barrier built that prohibits any new ideas from getting through.
I watched it with the renewal movement. We have a new truth and so you must bow to our new revelation, as though it is a new form of a God that we so all agree never changes.
We relish in our new revelation, rubbing the noses of those who don't, won't or perhaps can't see it our way in the delight of our specialness and abandon any thought of pondering how the truths interact.
This is true with the pomo as well. The new generation is having an awful time of dealing with the previous generations need for definition, and ridicule ensues because it is a hard wired part of human nature. I see them reaching back and reachig forward with goals and hopes, but they are as guilty of abandoning the parts that worked as any other philosophy in the past when it was birthed.
My experiences are mainly in urban America, but the pervasive life seems to be hopelessly entangled in an "after me you come first" mentality.
I am cut off on a near daily basis by vehicles driven by youngsters, and yesterday the glaring example was a car with a "BODY PIERCING SAVED MY LIFE" sticker in the window and a fish on the bumper.
I guess that it's discipleship that is missing. The IRC seems to be preaching a message without a soul. There is flesh and spirit, but I don't see it with any depth.
Perhaps it's our motives that are wrong. It's not supposed to be about going to heaven. It's about knowing God in such a way that He can pick you out in a crowd.
I'm thinking about making a t-shirt that says "JESUS DIED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION"
And why not... I haven't been flogged since the first Harry Potter movie came out.

I should manage to be a little more cohesive in my thought process this evening, although I didn't get home until about 0330 this morning.
"Why," you ask? Well, that is the topic that I am addressing.
Trevor came down to the greater Seattle area for a conference, and he is the usual catalyst for the action to follow. Spiritual Warfare Dancing at a club in Seattle.
We, in fact, engage in warfare in a fetish club in dark neighborhood in Seattle and last night we tore it up, well, some things, not the club.
It started out with the three of us sitting outside praying about assignments for our time inside. There were three chairs on the sidewalk in front and we were approached twice once by a girl who was laughing about our various hairstyles and once by a guy who thought that we were perhaps the authorities from within (we had already paid the cover, so in some sense we paid for some legal use of the place and therefore carried some authority in that sense)and wanted to know about getting in to see someone, a room mate or something.
Trevor was to do some warfare over the Black Sea and Hungary, Dave was to battle three leviathans and I was to do some recon work for future trips and establish some new levels in my life.
We went in and I was engaged immediately. One of the things that I fight is the fear of man or intimidation. I came in wearing clothing that would be acceptable in the club, black pants and shirt, and as soon as I got under the black light I was covered in lint. It hadn't been there before (I'm sure that it was but I hadn't thought things through yet) and felt like I stuck out like some kind of wack job (which in all fairness I am within the club context) with white strands and etc all over me... But I was out during the first song that we were there for.
Dancing was wild. I'm not as sore this morning as I though I would be, but I haven't dome anything all day and I'm no less sore than I was. And I noticed that I dance in a largely celtic manner with my hands still while my feet move, another thing that has been a source of intimidation. W00T I'm not so weird after all.
During the time I think that I saw a need to get back to Shaftsbury Square in Belfast, and I need the boys that I met when I was over to go with, I think.
I tink d'ere up to it!
Anyhoo, ballywhoo, I'm sittin' on the rest for now. It may come up again later, and it may not, but watch the black sea and keep an eye on hungary. Somehting's gonna happen in those regions. ;^)

I was talking with Steve tonight about meetings in Hoquiam/Aberdeen. He needs a worship service and would like to have one from the area, or at least as close as Oly. I am kind of at a loss.
He said that there are pastors in teh area that are afraid of renewal, preaching against it in the area, against the Healing Rooms that have been established there.
What is our world about today if it's not about unity. I wonder if "the great deception" may not be to fear the flesh. The flesh is the vehicle that puts you in position to do Gods work, it is ammoral at worst. The flesh is not what will lead you into hell, it's rebellion. It's rejecting God and the road to His doorstep, the cross of The Christ, not whether you hold your mouth right when you open your hymnal.

I recently heard from soneone that their folks don't like a particular ministry because they don't reach them. It's a commercial radio station, they are going to attract the people who are going to spend the money, not the "I must hear a hymn", and "We tip 10% when we go out because it honors God... unless of course we don't like the waiter."

When did americans begin to think that we are so smart that the rest of the world needs to do what we do or we should go and tell them what's right. Those same people that think that a little girl (22 or so) is a hero for standing in front of a bulldozer in a foreign country to protest a war, and it is a war, and gets killed by the armyhas any right to do as she did.
I'm all for passion and feeling as though you are doing something good, but when you begin to believe that you as an individual can stop a war in a land where you have asked permission to visit by standing in front of a weapon- by any means other than pleaing with God, you have gone over the edge of sanity and believe a madness that will surely overtake the world as John prophesied, as Jesus prophesied, where we will be willing to look to a man for the big answers and he will deliver and then we will again see hitlerian dictatorship rise with the same results, only no man will be able to point and say that he had anything to do with the destruction, but all will stand in awe of a God that meant what He said... We cannot save ourselves from the horrors to come. We cannot save ourselves from destruction wrought by our own will and emotions. Only Jesus has eared the right to sit on a throne over the world. Only Jesus can introduce us to the Father that we left in the garden. Only Jesus. We cannot know the Father without knowing the Son. And we choose any another way.
We know that we don't know the right way. We know that man screwed up faith. Created religion out of it and we don't like that. Humanism is as afraid of the spirit as the church is afraid of the flesh. interesting dichotomy, eh?

I am so looking forward to this movie even if Dissney is doing it. As well, this is a test post trying out the pic thingy.

Weel, I think that I'm going to try to be better about this. I was at a meeting a couple of weeks ago and I'm going to say two things here one is just for me to remember (you are not selfish, Todd) and the other becomes a reason for becoming more regular about writing here.
The other is that God said that He is going to give me revelation like John Crowder. Deena said tha she asked God why their wasn't a guy like him around here and apparently God told him that I am that guy. Now there's a blow to the low self-esteem ego that I've been currying all these years (which in and of itself is revelation of a sort)

February, huh? I'm so...
I was reading a friends blog today called "Shoulda Coulda" He was trying to sort out a 30 day blog and managewd to post 8 times. I'm not so bad as I thought ;)

Work is not going so well currently. Opportunity to become a supervisor, already on track to be a trainer and I'm unable to do one because and not allowed to do the other. I did decide that I was going to have to follow the money, but I don't know after last night.
We have one gal working there the actually made the statement when I was talking to her on the phone that she "doesn't care how big I am" as though I was trying to intimidate her in a physical manner.
She also came to the wrong conclusion that I had called and asked for one of her peers earlier in the day because I was working out some kind of a deal to get out of working this weekend.
Sometime in the recent months she asked me about wether or not I had ever pressed charges against anyone for harrassment and when I responded by saying no she informed me that she had. At that time I was outside of the building talking to one of my co-workers while she was inside ostensibly doing her job.
I do my best to ignore her because I can't follow her train of thought on anything so far.
Oh, I almost forgot- she accused me of being an arian once because she heard Bruce tease me about being a skin head.
My workplace is NOT safe for me, and I don't like it one bit. I may have to find another job very soon.

Listening to NPR tonight I learned that that Arthur Murray passed away. Initially I thought, "Why in the heck all the chatter about the loss of the guy who made dancing readily learned by anyone in America?"
As I listened I learned that, in fact, this guy was a playright. I never read anything he wrote, never saw his plays... And yet, as they told his story, I wondered if he had come to any knowledge of Christ. I wondered if he had ever had any interaction with Jesus that he recognized as such.
Then my mind wandered into that place that wonders if my life has any meaning. What have a done that wiull be lasting. What will be left in the footprint that I leave behind, as so many people have had a cameo appearance in my life. Will Gods' grace fall on me in such a way that others will be blessed? Will I leave a lasting mark on their lives that points them to Christ?

I just watched The Terminal. I thought that it would be the heartwarming story of a man whose country left him when he needed it most and the land of grace was represented by the anal. AND there was the hope of romance.
INSTEAD I see a man whose pride makes him unbending, an honest man driven to rebellion, aided by the society that the agent represented, and dropped by the woman whom he spoke into the heart of.
He spoke to her the truth. He spoke to her from his heart. Her history had no bearing on his feelings. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE THEM SEE! Why are they so blind or bent on destruction or filled with hate for themselves or so sure that they will find the one guy in 82 million that is both desirable and sweet- Why isn't swwet what's desirable, anyway. I'm just frickin' tired.

This week has been rough- up and down, life and death... makes me tired.
On one hand I got some excellent words of encouragement from friends that fit nicely with things that I have heard before. And I have begun to see favor and respect at work- something that has been there, but I haven't been in a situation to see it.
On the other hand, I had a kid run out in front of my bus and I stopped about 18 inches from hitting him.
I got to see Rich Burroughs on his way home. A remarkable recovery, after being unable to get out of a recliner for four days having had a couple strokes, etc, Laidlaw called the cops when they hadn't been able to get ahold of him. He was looking pretty good for what he'd been through, but dang, the guy was just about my age. It was pretty amazing... and scarey... and Shea had some episode- I don't know what happened, but his eyes went dim-
I am going to have to make that appointment for my own check up- and get back on my BP meds.
Enough for now. I'll catch you maybe when I'm interesting.

Gosh, better than a month since I had anything to say. I really don't now either.
Hmmmmmm... whelp.... nahp, bubkus.

Though I confessed before that I whine and moan in these tomes, that is not the only motive. I am about to get a little exultant, though it's about learning, contemplating, understanding- again, I guess that those are already stated motives- but this particular entry is about beginning to understand Gods' mind, heart toward me.
My Lord said that he would give me stewardship of heavenly songs. That people would
be on their faces while this music/worship was being rendered.
Before I remember being told that people would be healed while hearing music that I was involved in producing.
An elder and minister of the Tulalip Tribe prophesied that I would be instrumental in empowering first nation drummers and musicians... maybe it was drummers- anyway, is that targeted for fulfillment in this?
I also, long ago heard about having an anointing that would minister to thousands. This would qualify their as well.
One thing that I left off of the transcript was that the provision that comes from this was to be spent with Gods' input, and that I wasn't to take any credit as the songs had already been written, I'm just given some responsibility for them. As well I was admonished that taking credit or becoming willful or taking ownership for this manifestation would negate my purity in the matter, and purity is a key element.
Will I be found worthy? I apparently have and God gives his gifts without repentance, so we'll see how this goes.
If you have any comments or encouragements feel free to leave them at the comment dealio or e-mail me at todzilah@yahoo.com

It seems as though I bitch as much as anything else here- perhaps more than anything else, but that season will change soon, I hope... I have faith that it will.
Last week I went hunting with a number of guys from church. Great guys. Good cooks, good servants, good brothers whom I have learned that I can trust.
At one point I came to the realization that the brother that I didn't have had now been replaced by two, both of whom I had already known that about, but the realization hit. I can count on these two brothers to challenge me to grow just through interaction.
Anyway, a week spent hunting deer in the mountains. Sound cool? It was great, but I had my issues.
One of the group began and then left after two days of the week expected. It was kind of hard on the group as he was someone who takes charge when he's around, but then he just winked out- gone.
I can make a number of excuses for him, but I don't need to. He did what he did for the reasons he did it.
My issues were more about how brass the heavens seemed the whole time.
I prayed and asked creator, provider, where is the blessing? And I didn't see one legal animal that hadn't already been taken. I struggled with that all week.
Then one of the group that has been involved for the last three years had a dental disaster. Absessed tooth. I know that pain, and I was pretty hung up over it through dinner and pretty adamant about praying for it.
This was on "Miracle Mountain" where a falling tree righted itself and waited until it was leaning correctly to fall where they wanted it to. Where miracles happened. And I prayed for a dental miracle and... nada.
I guess that I am definitly not an experiential christian. If that were the case, I would be an agnostic, but I'm not... yet. relax, I don't think that I will be any time soon, but you know, I get pretty damn tired of being ignored by the lover of my soul. I can't figure this thing out.
Loads of questions. Pretty close to knowing what the gospel is, though. Jesus plan of salvation and the reason why... not the extraneous stuff that many try to sell as the gospel. Maybe I'll get into that next time. I think that this is enough for now.

Weird dream last night/this morning. I was in a managerial position and came up to one of my employees (a girl I knew in high school). She was upset and I came to her from behind and gave her a brotherly hug, felt her stomach and felt that she had a particular roundness- she was pregnant.
This explained her emotion, as somehow what I thought meant something to her and she was letting me down. I just told her that it didn't matter and she was about to be blessed.
And then the baby came out, and was very odd looking, and could go back at will. Her stomach was formed from the outside to somehow accomodate the babies return.
I don't know what that means, but I suspect it means something.

Of the seven people on the worship team tonight, Mark saw a vision of five of us. He described us as looking old, thin, blackened eyes- he described people who needed the church to come along side and pray for as levites of our body.
We talked about it on the way home for a bit and I kept hearing malnourished, famine, haggard.
I then realized and then shared with Mark that it was the ones who lead out on the team. The ones who do solo work or lead out vocally who he saw. And then realized that the congregation needs to somehow nurture the team. We have been giving out for quite some time, and haven't received the prayer lift from the congregation can rejuvenate a war weary troop.
I don't know what's next out of it, but that's what Mark saw and how I interpreted it. and there you have it. Now what are you going to do with it?

As far as theooze goes, I have been careful of late what I read, whose posts I read. Some feel a little like poison to me, but I am acquainted with their hearts and beleive that the Lord will count much good to them that seems like foolishness to me. I know that He is bigger than me, and I find that fearsome and comforting at the same time. There is much, I have learned in my years, open to interpretation in the word. No one has the market cornered on truth, and there is a cultural bbias in the truth of the north american christian (as well as all of the others). North america is the only country where a pre-trib rapture doctrine is even considered, and here we look at it as though the words came straight out of Jesus mouth. If there was no room for interpretation, we would all believe exactly the same thing.
Two things Paul said that give me comfort when I oppose another's doctrine-
We must work out our own salvation- that means that I can't work out someone elses walk with Jesus, and therefore they won't have the same walk as me...
All things are permissable, not all things are profitable. That's either true or it isn't. I am becoming more convinced that Jesus is about whole heartedness in our beliefs (which you exhibit admirably) and unity of purpose. The word says that when two or more are gathered in unity... That's where His power lies. Theooze is about exploration more than anything else. I find broader definition of who God is as I learn the experience of others. He is like a diamond and we, being small, can only see one facet at a time. I beleive that missionaries with the western mindset have destroyed some things that God will restore to cultures like the native american, aboriginal, hawiian, various and sundry african tribes- they have had much to offer and enhance the worship experience, but the western mindset- church as we know it here, has labeled much evil without understanding.
Some dayI hope to put together a band of lovers who use the indigenous that has been cast out of the church without a second thought (or a first real thought)
to create an authentic worship atmosphere to draw in those that have been ostracized on the mission field. Far too many casualties due to closed minds or an inability to find God off the map, beyond the status quo. Can we go there? Is it possible? I'm in the hunt.

As I'm getting older, I often wonder (perhaps worry) about the footprint that I will leave behind when I'm gone. If I'll have any progeny to carry on, if I'll make a difference in someones' understanding of the world, or the Saviour of it.
I was contemplating this today. Mortality and legacy- my dad and the things that I have received as part of his legacy. It's all real stuff. Material goods.
Don't misunderstand, I appreciate these things, but there are things that I would love to have that would inspire actual memories. Ideas that he had, beliefs that we held, words of affection. Words left behind for me to read and re-read. Things made for me, or written for me or dedicateed in some way to me.
I don't mean to sound like my dad was an uncaring old codger, nor should I whine about mis-use, abuse or abandonment. This is not the issue.
The issue, the thought is that perhaps there are things that we can leave that are more ethereal, less finite, or ethereal but rather concrete in an ambiguos sort of way.
If it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, it's because I don't. I'm trying to work it outso that it might be a concept that I would share with others, but in doing so, it would become the actual working out of the topic, wouldn't that be cool. I don't even know where to go from here, but it's a topic to be re-visited sometime when my brain stops hurting ;)

Last night Pastor Rick talked about unity in the church. Specifically in our church.
We are a collective that has been compared to Davids men in the Cave of Abdullum, and that fits us pretty well. Mighty people hidden waiting for time and opportunity.
So last night he was talking about the the places where we aren't of the same mind during the service- one soaks while another worships- we have... I have been using the corporate time for personal use.
After the service he asked if anyone had anything to say about it all, if God was telling anyone else anything about it. There were soe who had heard something relevant, some who heard something- I heard that it wasn't so important what a body believed, but that there was unity. The lutherans, baptists, methodists, denominations ad infintum were okay, and Gods' power would show up if there was unity, and therefore it's about purpose.
The old medicine men created environments of unity where healing and other magic happened.
The disciples of Christ were in the upper room in one accord when the Holy Spirit fell. The children of Isreal circling Jericho were of one purpose following Gods' instruction. The people who built the tower of Babel were of one mind and God said that if He didn't do something there would be nothing that they couldn't set their mind to and accomplish.
I have become suddenly aware that differences are okay, but there is a level of unity that, when we accomplish it, wipes away our deficits, as we draw on the grace of the Christ.

The following was a posted response in a discussion spoken of on "theooze" ~ a website that I spend a lot of time on discussing the stuff of life.
This was posted in the named thread and in response to some things that I posted. Some of my thoughts on the subject of discipleship, mentoring, anamcara, call it what you will- it seems to be a lost art- and I'm not sure that I wrote what is quoted, but it is what was written.

Windblown
Asshat
Total Posts: 1447
RE: What happened to the fathers?
Monday August 30, 2004 12:48 PM

"I believe that the fathers heart is coming back into the church. If not, I'm in trouble, aqll dressed up and no place to go, so to speak.I have desired a mentor for years, or at least thought I did. My true desiore is a commited relationship I think."

"BD, God is already using you as father and big brother here on the Ooze, but I believe that he has much more for you, many spiritual children.Bless you in this."

"We have discussed this type of relationship before, and in a discipling relationship, I believe that it must have a peer element? in it... or a mutual respect may be the better way to put it, that makes both in the relationship feel vital, not one "over" the other. There is little love in that relationship or it is an unequal yoking type of thing."

"awesome point"

Message #130409 - This was a reply to message #129288

This very much brings to mind two words that I have received through the years- One is that God would bless me with a large family, and one that I would touch many for the kingdom. I don't believe that I'm ready, but are we ever? Am I beginning to see the dawning of my dreams? Perhaps.

This weekend was pretty cool. I got up late Saturday, as is my custom, and stayed up late Saturday nite, again my custom, but camping... I typically don't sleep so well. I woke up about 0600 Sunday morning. Well, I actually woke up a while before that, but the cold- I just couldn't sleep.
I got up and rekindled the fire, b-be-qed a couple of hotdogs and played my flute for a bit. I was just thinking that it was so very quiet, hard to play without that control. Made to be played at low volume... and then my brother stuck his head out of his camper and said that it was a lovely alarm clock, but he wasn't interested in an alarm clock. And so I may not have been as attentive to the sermon as I may have meant to be.
Later that day we had a baptismal service that was 6 baptisms in two hours. We spoke into the lives of those being symbolically reborn. Prophesied over each of them. I didn't prophesy over them all, but I tried to. I did leave one go by the way, but she had a pretty good lot of prophesy without me.
And now I am serving my 5 days suspension from work for the thing that I have been most scared of doing all this time. And now it's not so important, on one level, but it's still very important to me.
The pic I was trying to add to my profile, but here it is, and I can't edit worth crap, so... hello!

That was a helluva sermon

It's crazy. How do people look at me and even think that I am a Christian? I am just like anyone else from where I look at myself. No difference- except that I love Jesus, and it seems to make the difference.
When I was a young man, I heard from the pulpit, "Do people look at you and your life and want to know Jesus?" What a load of... well, let's just say that it's a responsibility that I don't believe that God wants us to bear.
Anyway, I have shared some "real" music that is just straight forward lyric in the modern language of the writer who happens to be about a 25 year old young man (I think) and I shared it with some friends. One of those friends has since shared with me some Keith Green music that I haven't heard in quite some time.
Amazing. And my little being there, whinny and bitchy but caring and open... God is the one that does it all. Nothing comes from me- less of me and more of Him. That's the key. That's the point.

I've been challenged a little in my belief about the existence of modern day prophets and what should the factors be in their existence.  Some say that the old testament standards should apply.  That there are no standards mentioned in the NT and so the OT standards must yet apply.
They are wrong.  Corinthians says that there should be a company of prophets to judge a given word. 
As well, the gift of prophecy, which they leave no room for, is a result of redemption.  It is a proof that the veil between man and God is torn.  Wouldn't their existence be a proof that God has become more personal?  That prophesy being a gift, as opposed to an office, available to all who would take it up.  Things will happen, people will abuse, but that's part of growing in the gift.  If you get it right from the get go, perhaps you might consider it as n office, but typically, it takes a bit of time to grow in it.
My experience is that God's grace is huge.  When I was early in learning about this, I was allowed to prophesy from my knowledge of plants- flowers.  Characteristics of plants that I knew would be substance of the words of encouragement that I had for people...  but then again, there are those who don't believe that qualifies as the prophetic.   That encouragement isn't part of the heart of God?

I just spent a lot of time on arguing with some good christian men about reconciliation.
The conflict is over the validity of culture in christianity... one side sees it as the great divider, which I can see.
But there are also a lot of enhancements that could make our lives as christians more effective.
Why are we so threatened by differences?
Why can't we shop and find what works for us and find our lives more effective in evangelism, and worship and liturgy.
As a white guy, indian music is easier to dance to. Its' simpler rhythms are easier to play. The instruments are very quiet, and haunting.much to say, but all said quietly, passionately.
The Orthodox, refer to themsleves as the "The Church" and believe that their liturgy is superior to all others, and each group following- each denomination feel the same way.
I loved that Rick Joyner said that each has a truth that they are keeping, protecting lest we forget. But we still look at our own as superior, and those who pride themselves on being open etc, will go on the offensive if felt threatened. It's just human nature to need to dominate, and this is one more way to do that.

I was just thinking about the idea of the "twinkling of an eye." I have always heard about Jesus coming in the twinkling of an eye and catching up the saints in the air...
I heard it in a very different light this weekend.
The bride groom is waiting for the "bride without spot or wrinkle" and I caught sight of him waiting anxiously and when His eye sparkles it will signal that he can no longer wait, and gets the okay from the Father.
Still getting a handle on that whole Bride of Christ deal.

Last night Bonnie had a word about a red and a silver thread that are attached to me, and have been for a long time, weaving a new medicine bag and soon He'll be putting new things in it.

Just being confronted with so many things at once... Have you ever carried so much before that hadn't been given to you? Have you ever loved so deeply or so selflessly? Is any of this what you think that it is? Is it enough to have sought the best? To have offered your life? To be willing. How will it end?

Why do we speak as though we are an authority on things that we can really only have opinions about? It seems that there is a possibility that we may preach something other than the gospel and that it will stumble many who are being drawn into the kingdom.
I believe that it was Isaiah who said "How lovely on the mountains are the feet of them that bring good news"
Paul referred to the "good news of the gospel" and admonished us to preach "Christ and Him crucified" (I realize that I'm using a little king james here, but that's how I know these verses off the cuff.)
I believe that Paul taught that it was not up to us to preach the law any longer, but to preach grace, that Jesus wants to know us and that He wants to convict us of sin. He actually went out of His way to tell us to cover the sins of our brothers and sisters, and not seek legal counsel if at all possible, I would say to keep too many from knowing one another's dirty laundry as we tend to disqualify those who we know too much about from ministering to us.
Thus gossip is a heinous sin. It's always on the list when ever He makes one. And the first mention of real gossip was when Ham told his brothers of their fathers drunken nakedness.
I think that the gospel is that Jesus will go to any length to get us to choose Him, and that we being in Him need to work that out in ourselves and be encouraging to others that He has made a way... a narrow way because He is the "door", He is the way, the truth and the light/life. You don't do those things that will stumble someone else in their walk, and the rest is working out your own salvation.

Saturday I invited Mark to go with me to hang out with some of my wilder friends... real warriors in the spirit- He is one, he fit right in.
We went to Hammond to play, pray for a depressed areas intercessors and pastors, and to give some folks an excuse to gather together. I don't really know what happened there, and I think that's probably a good thing. It was covered.

One woman shared the path the God has had her on has been to break her of pride and prepare her to receive new young converts. It has drawn much controversy and judgement upon her, and yet she knows that this is the past that God has lead her down- it was quite interesting, encouraging and challenging.

When we got there I began to feel the oppression of the place only I felt it very personally- low on purpose, lost identity, I felt as though I would be offensive on a number of levels (as I often do anyway) and Mark reminded me that I am called to provoke the church to truly good works. That THAT is a large part of my identity, and one that I don't always embrace. It's hard to find people who can really commit to loving you when you are a provoke... And then it comes across , to some extent, as bitterness from being left alone. I've thought it myself, but I begin to know better.

I recently remembered a a prophetic word that I heard during a practice kind of a time and he began to tell me about my wife. In 1998, after I returned from Ireland, it was at a pseudo school. The man said that she was having financial trouble, a health issue and something that I don't remember about the kids. He asked me to verify what he told me, but I couldn't as I hadn't met her yet... funny how things go sometimes.

Well, I almost broke the most important rule that I laid down for myself regarding this blog. I just went in and changed something that was previously published because I didn't want information to flow quite the way that it might. The most important part of this the honesty_ if it gets written down, it stays on the page, just as though it had been spoken... once it's out there, you can't take it back.
There's always something that you wish that you could take back, but that's part of the game of life- like Bruce Cockburn said, "You pay your money and you take your chance."

I was listening to Graham Cooke and he was saying something to the effect that what you are going through is as much about those around you and how they react and interact with you. The important thing to do is to ask th eFahter what He would have you be in a given situation to those people.
I have known people who have been judged for their short comings (okay, maybe I am one of these people) or lack of health or finance, and people just tell them what to do with their lack and don't help them deal with the actual issues- I think that God is going to call them out for that. It sounds too much like "but didn't I cast out demons in your name?" and I think that God is more worried about the level of glory that you bring to the table than whether your tie is straight.

Today was the consumation of a couple of weeks expectation gone awry. My mother was near by and didn't give a word in my direction. She didn't call, nor did my sister, who apparently took charge of the trip. She called my one of my best friends to say that they'd be around, but never me, and the plans made with my friend were so contorted by the time to perform them, no one knew what was happening.
Anyway, I am praying to God that He will get closer- allow me to really get a dose of His "Papa" side. He's going to have to or these abandonment issues that I can't seem to get past will continue to fester. And it's hard to be a child when it wasn't ever really a big part of your youth... BUT I have a promise that He will activate a fathers heart within me by giving me that confidence and showing me that He will in fact never leave or abandon me. I think that He's even big enough to beat this one- but I guess that I'll have to give it to Him for that to happen... Well... I'm tryin' to.
iyokiphi

I've been thinking about the verse that speaks of the foolish man who looks in the mirror and walks away forgetting what he saw. Contextually speaking, I've always considered this to be about forgetting what slime I am, but that never seems to be much of a problem.
Last saturday night He challenged me that when He shows me who I am in Him, I forget that.
I forget His grace.
I forget His mercy.
I forget that His plans to use me were tailored for me, or I was designed for them.
The thing that I remember best is that is that everthing that I think of myself, is common for a man like me to think of himself. God doesn't really need for me to take on so much responsibilty, that is why He speaks so often of us as
children. I think that He's serious about that whole children thing, and I'm exploring it's virtue.
iyokiphi
(he is pleased)

Is it possible that I have, at last met "neo" - "the one"
I have thought of this whole "thing as horse-hockey for a very long time, but today I am becoming forced into considering someone who actually seems to fit the list.
At first I thought tht the list would be too hard for me, because I could only get as far as physical attributes, and then I was lost, but I've begun to realize that the women that I've found to be attractive have had other very attractive bits... music, administrative gifts, servant hearts, similar understanding of the mess that the church is in and why, people groups...
I don't know where the list went, but it is in my head in some form, and I'm feeling pressed to move on it.
I felt as though something was about to happen earlier in the week. I got out a prophetic word that exerts some pressure on my movement that mentions a train and timing. Today I was in corporate prayer and I heard a cuckoo-clock signaling the hour change, and the last words that I heard come out of Neo's mouth were, "I've given God 18 months to give me a spouse"
Can I just say, "oowwwwwww!" I wonder if it's too late to get her e-mail address... Doh!

He walked into the kitchen to fill his coffee cup (a task much better done in the dark).

...And so I felt as though the blind couple deserved an explanation for my hidden snickering in the front of the bus (he was always pretty straight laced and she was quite gregarious) so I told 'em, "My mind runs in some pretty odd paths at times. I was just thinking about a story that my Pastor told about a bumper sticker. Pastor Kate asked Pastor Rick to read the bumper sticker on a car and Rick read out loud 'Dyslexics are people too' and Kate began to laugh. 'Read it again Rick' - 'Dyslexics are people too' - Kate is really laughing now, 'Read it again s-l-o-w-e-r' Dyslexics are teople poo!

And so then one of the guys from work shared with me about a new mothers organization- DAM... Mothers Against Dyslexia

So then naturally following- I asked the nice blind couple in the back of the bus, "Do people ever read braille dyslexia, to which she responded, "I've never heard of such a thing" and He said, "Yes, Bill"

Hmmmm... Last day of July and I have something to say. It may not be as profound as it feels, stirring within me, but I need to commit it before I forget it, so hear it goes in all it's poorly organized glory (organization comes through discussion).
I have come to the conclusion that the point of the bible is personal- God didn't mean for us to quote it the way that we do, clubbing people over the head with it in order to scare them out of hell- citing it as a resource to bolster our arguements with people who don't believe it to be a viable resouce- people using it to justify their loveless lifestyles-

Sorry to use KJV here, but it is the one that I've memorized... "Thy word have I hid in my heart..." I think that (aside from it saying that it aids in avoiding sin) one can use this verse and others to say that we are to have the "word" within to the extent that it permeates your speech and comes out of you without you even knowing that it did, and the impact of the truth in it should be the impacting force behind your statements and your lifestyle.

Then you can draw people to Jesus instead of away from hell, which is really the only effective way of evangelism.

Just something that I had pass through my brain. I'm challenged to get this right... I hope that you may be as well- something about "provoking to good works."

Forgive me my friends for it has been 4 months since my last entry. I have got to get a pc. So much has happened in the last four months, and yet nothing has changed- still single, still not making the big bucks, BUT
He has shown me that by the standards that I have always measured myself by, I am a success. Twice, now in the past three weeks. I wanna tell you about it, but I'm getting off the PC for now. I just wanted to check in because I hadn't in sooooo long.

This isn't really about anything but my thoughts, this blog business, but I share it because I know that there are people who love me and check once in a while to see that I'm okay and still in the fight. I'm really not going anywhere. I can't really quit. Jesus may want more of me, but He has enough that I'm not going to go anywhere without Him.
I just get bored with my lessons. I rarely really feel as though I've done well on a test. I don't seem to hear Him as others I know do... but then again, it's only been in the lasty couple of years that I realized that I hear Him and think that it's just my brilliant mind. That should be an easy thing to recognize the difference between, but for a long time I didn't. Children should be taught to hear so that when they get older they won't be confused about it. They'll be aware of the similarities and know to judge the difference.
I think that sometime after I get more regular access to a pc, I'm going to have to flesh this one out, but for now, I've got to go. Time is a cruel master... or at least somewhat demanding.

Interesting. Somehow my last post missed publication. Oh well, I just pretty much have more of the same to say today.
I am so tired of being alone. I am about ready to quit. I know that there are people who would regard me as someone who they could settle down with, but I just can't "settle" for them. I meet these ladies periodically that show me what it is that I seek. That I am not looking to find someone who doesn't exist, but they are already married and have kids.
And kids- I believe that I want to be blessed by offspring. It's such a blessing in the lives of others that I know. I think that I want to experience kids as well. Shouldn't I have that choice? Have I messed up that opportunity as well as others? I am no where near where I hoped to be by this time. I never thought to be wealthy by the worlds' standards, but by MY standards I had hopes.
What is this curse that hinders me? Will it gain strength from the promised letter from "home" or will I be exposed as the man that I have always hoped that I'd be?
I still hear that haunting phrase that "even the very elect will be deceived if it's possible" and question all my choices again. My soul seems to deflate through my heart as I contemplate this whole thing, this eventual turn of events.
I am forced to ask "God, just what is the purpose of these tricks that you seem to play on me? The promises that I want so to believe for but never quite see? The miracles that You seem to do so readily for others and yet I cannot seem to lay hold of?
Was I dreaming when I heard you say to believe for a new car? Was I dreaming when your apostle laid his hand on my head and prayed for my hair to return and not just with the original thickness but the original color? Was it fantasy when your prophetess told me that my youth would be restored? Did the dream confirming the nearness and identity of my beloved spring from my own feeble mind? I really can't take much more of this. I am ready to come home and bathe in your goodness and peace.
I look in my bag and all my mustard seeds are impotent, spent, cracked or consumed by mold and I find none to spend. I feel as inconsequential as dust waiting for rain.
God help me.
Jesus help me.
Spirit help me.