I was just chatting with a guy about being ADD and I realized that I am, not bonafide, but self-diagnosed as ADD that is the reason why ____ so many things.
I have oft wondered about the whole "hard to receive" thing, and how unfair it is. How hard it is to be in a room full of drunks and be part of the remedial group in the corners known as the "hard to receives". You feel like a wall flower, even though you know that you aren't. And then people start making excuses for you because, well, they're embarassed for you. They would rather not have to deal with those kinds of differences, but today I may have gotten a little bit of an answer to this quandry that has been a thorn in my side for much too long.
I am ADD. I can't sit and read my bible, pray, worship, much of anything alone. I think perhaps it's a type of spiritual autism that floods the senses to the point that there is no response available, and like the kids whose parents have begun to use the finger boards to communicate with their children, I must borrow from the will of another to perform simple tasks and functions. I can do anything in the right company. It's really about the influences that you can draw strength from. My ability to know Gods' presence is sadly reliant on the reality of the investment of others- if that makes any sense. Sometimes I thought that it was that I wasn't enough, but I begin to see, now, that I just haven't had that part developed and it helps to borrow from someone. I'm not advocating the christian vampire stuff that I have heard allusions to, but more like the remora, a hangeert on and gatherer of scraps... kind of like the samaritan, even the dogs get the scraps from the table. Well, one step at a time. I will learn to borrow from the will of the Holy Spirit, now that I know that is what I need. I think that this might be personal revelation, and an answer for some others as well. Not all others, but some.