Though I confessed before that I whine and moan in these tomes, that is not the only motive. I am about to get a little exultant, though it's about learning, contemplating, understanding- again, I guess that those are already stated motives- but this particular entry is about beginning to understand Gods' mind, heart toward me.
My Lord said that he would give me stewardship of heavenly songs. That people would
be on their faces while this music/worship was being rendered.
Before I remember being told that people would be healed while hearing music that I was involved in producing.
An elder and minister of the Tulalip Tribe prophesied that I would be instrumental in empowering first nation drummers and musicians... maybe it was drummers- anyway, is that targeted for fulfillment in this?
I also, long ago heard about having an anointing that would minister to thousands. This would qualify their as well.
One thing that I left off of the transcript was that the provision that comes from this was to be spent with Gods' input, and that I wasn't to take any credit as the songs had already been written, I'm just given some responsibility for them. As well I was admonished that taking credit or becoming willful or taking ownership for this manifestation would negate my purity in the matter, and purity is a key element.
Will I be found worthy? I apparently have and God gives his gifts without repentance, so we'll see how this goes.
If you have any comments or encouragements feel free to leave them at the comment dealio or e-mail me at todzilah@yahoo.com

It seems as though I bitch as much as anything else here- perhaps more than anything else, but that season will change soon, I hope... I have faith that it will.
Last week I went hunting with a number of guys from church. Great guys. Good cooks, good servants, good brothers whom I have learned that I can trust.
At one point I came to the realization that the brother that I didn't have had now been replaced by two, both of whom I had already known that about, but the realization hit. I can count on these two brothers to challenge me to grow just through interaction.
Anyway, a week spent hunting deer in the mountains. Sound cool? It was great, but I had my issues.
One of the group began and then left after two days of the week expected. It was kind of hard on the group as he was someone who takes charge when he's around, but then he just winked out- gone.
I can make a number of excuses for him, but I don't need to. He did what he did for the reasons he did it.
My issues were more about how brass the heavens seemed the whole time.
I prayed and asked creator, provider, where is the blessing? And I didn't see one legal animal that hadn't already been taken. I struggled with that all week.
Then one of the group that has been involved for the last three years had a dental disaster. Absessed tooth. I know that pain, and I was pretty hung up over it through dinner and pretty adamant about praying for it.
This was on "Miracle Mountain" where a falling tree righted itself and waited until it was leaning correctly to fall where they wanted it to. Where miracles happened. And I prayed for a dental miracle and... nada.
I guess that I am definitly not an experiential christian. If that were the case, I would be an agnostic, but I'm not... yet. relax, I don't think that I will be any time soon, but you know, I get pretty damn tired of being ignored by the lover of my soul. I can't figure this thing out.
Loads of questions. Pretty close to knowing what the gospel is, though. Jesus plan of salvation and the reason why... not the extraneous stuff that many try to sell as the gospel. Maybe I'll get into that next time. I think that this is enough for now.

Weird dream last night/this morning. I was in a managerial position and came up to one of my employees (a girl I knew in high school). She was upset and I came to her from behind and gave her a brotherly hug, felt her stomach and felt that she had a particular roundness- she was pregnant.
This explained her emotion, as somehow what I thought meant something to her and she was letting me down. I just told her that it didn't matter and she was about to be blessed.
And then the baby came out, and was very odd looking, and could go back at will. Her stomach was formed from the outside to somehow accomodate the babies return.
I don't know what that means, but I suspect it means something.

Of the seven people on the worship team tonight, Mark saw a vision of five of us. He described us as looking old, thin, blackened eyes- he described people who needed the church to come along side and pray for as levites of our body.
We talked about it on the way home for a bit and I kept hearing malnourished, famine, haggard.
I then realized and then shared with Mark that it was the ones who lead out on the team. The ones who do solo work or lead out vocally who he saw. And then realized that the congregation needs to somehow nurture the team. We have been giving out for quite some time, and haven't received the prayer lift from the congregation can rejuvenate a war weary troop.
I don't know what's next out of it, but that's what Mark saw and how I interpreted it. and there you have it. Now what are you going to do with it?

As far as theooze goes, I have been careful of late what I read, whose posts I read. Some feel a little like poison to me, but I am acquainted with their hearts and beleive that the Lord will count much good to them that seems like foolishness to me. I know that He is bigger than me, and I find that fearsome and comforting at the same time. There is much, I have learned in my years, open to interpretation in the word. No one has the market cornered on truth, and there is a cultural bbias in the truth of the north american christian (as well as all of the others). North america is the only country where a pre-trib rapture doctrine is even considered, and here we look at it as though the words came straight out of Jesus mouth. If there was no room for interpretation, we would all believe exactly the same thing.
Two things Paul said that give me comfort when I oppose another's doctrine-
We must work out our own salvation- that means that I can't work out someone elses walk with Jesus, and therefore they won't have the same walk as me...
All things are permissable, not all things are profitable. That's either true or it isn't. I am becoming more convinced that Jesus is about whole heartedness in our beliefs (which you exhibit admirably) and unity of purpose. The word says that when two or more are gathered in unity... That's where His power lies. Theooze is about exploration more than anything else. I find broader definition of who God is as I learn the experience of others. He is like a diamond and we, being small, can only see one facet at a time. I beleive that missionaries with the western mindset have destroyed some things that God will restore to cultures like the native american, aboriginal, hawiian, various and sundry african tribes- they have had much to offer and enhance the worship experience, but the western mindset- church as we know it here, has labeled much evil without understanding.
Some dayI hope to put together a band of lovers who use the indigenous that has been cast out of the church without a second thought (or a first real thought)
to create an authentic worship atmosphere to draw in those that have been ostracized on the mission field. Far too many casualties due to closed minds or an inability to find God off the map, beyond the status quo. Can we go there? Is it possible? I'm in the hunt.

As I'm getting older, I often wonder (perhaps worry) about the footprint that I will leave behind when I'm gone. If I'll have any progeny to carry on, if I'll make a difference in someones' understanding of the world, or the Saviour of it.
I was contemplating this today. Mortality and legacy- my dad and the things that I have received as part of his legacy. It's all real stuff. Material goods.
Don't misunderstand, I appreciate these things, but there are things that I would love to have that would inspire actual memories. Ideas that he had, beliefs that we held, words of affection. Words left behind for me to read and re-read. Things made for me, or written for me or dedicateed in some way to me.
I don't mean to sound like my dad was an uncaring old codger, nor should I whine about mis-use, abuse or abandonment. This is not the issue.
The issue, the thought is that perhaps there are things that we can leave that are more ethereal, less finite, or ethereal but rather concrete in an ambiguos sort of way.
If it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about, it's because I don't. I'm trying to work it outso that it might be a concept that I would share with others, but in doing so, it would become the actual working out of the topic, wouldn't that be cool. I don't even know where to go from here, but it's a topic to be re-visited sometime when my brain stops hurting ;)

Last night Pastor Rick talked about unity in the church. Specifically in our church.
We are a collective that has been compared to Davids men in the Cave of Abdullum, and that fits us pretty well. Mighty people hidden waiting for time and opportunity.
So last night he was talking about the the places where we aren't of the same mind during the service- one soaks while another worships- we have... I have been using the corporate time for personal use.
After the service he asked if anyone had anything to say about it all, if God was telling anyone else anything about it. There were soe who had heard something relevant, some who heard something- I heard that it wasn't so important what a body believed, but that there was unity. The lutherans, baptists, methodists, denominations ad infintum were okay, and Gods' power would show up if there was unity, and therefore it's about purpose.
The old medicine men created environments of unity where healing and other magic happened.
The disciples of Christ were in the upper room in one accord when the Holy Spirit fell. The children of Isreal circling Jericho were of one purpose following Gods' instruction. The people who built the tower of Babel were of one mind and God said that if He didn't do something there would be nothing that they couldn't set their mind to and accomplish.
I have become suddenly aware that differences are okay, but there is a level of unity that, when we accomplish it, wipes away our deficits, as we draw on the grace of the Christ.

The following was a posted response in a discussion spoken of on "theooze" ~ a website that I spend a lot of time on discussing the stuff of life.
This was posted in the named thread and in response to some things that I posted. Some of my thoughts on the subject of discipleship, mentoring, anamcara, call it what you will- it seems to be a lost art- and I'm not sure that I wrote what is quoted, but it is what was written.

Windblown
Asshat
Total Posts: 1447
RE: What happened to the fathers?
Monday August 30, 2004 12:48 PM

"I believe that the fathers heart is coming back into the church. If not, I'm in trouble, aqll dressed up and no place to go, so to speak.I have desired a mentor for years, or at least thought I did. My true desiore is a commited relationship I think."

"BD, God is already using you as father and big brother here on the Ooze, but I believe that he has much more for you, many spiritual children.Bless you in this."

"We have discussed this type of relationship before, and in a discipling relationship, I believe that it must have a peer element? in it... or a mutual respect may be the better way to put it, that makes both in the relationship feel vital, not one "over" the other. There is little love in that relationship or it is an unequal yoking type of thing."

"awesome point"

Message #130409 - This was a reply to message #129288

This very much brings to mind two words that I have received through the years- One is that God would bless me with a large family, and one that I would touch many for the kingdom. I don't believe that I'm ready, but are we ever? Am I beginning to see the dawning of my dreams? Perhaps.

This weekend was pretty cool. I got up late Saturday, as is my custom, and stayed up late Saturday nite, again my custom, but camping... I typically don't sleep so well. I woke up about 0600 Sunday morning. Well, I actually woke up a while before that, but the cold- I just couldn't sleep.
I got up and rekindled the fire, b-be-qed a couple of hotdogs and played my flute for a bit. I was just thinking that it was so very quiet, hard to play without that control. Made to be played at low volume... and then my brother stuck his head out of his camper and said that it was a lovely alarm clock, but he wasn't interested in an alarm clock. And so I may not have been as attentive to the sermon as I may have meant to be.
Later that day we had a baptismal service that was 6 baptisms in two hours. We spoke into the lives of those being symbolically reborn. Prophesied over each of them. I didn't prophesy over them all, but I tried to. I did leave one go by the way, but she had a pretty good lot of prophesy without me.
And now I am serving my 5 days suspension from work for the thing that I have been most scared of doing all this time. And now it's not so important, on one level, but it's still very important to me.
The pic I was trying to add to my profile, but here it is, and I can't edit worth crap, so... hello!

That was a helluva sermon

It's crazy. How do people look at me and even think that I am a Christian? I am just like anyone else from where I look at myself. No difference- except that I love Jesus, and it seems to make the difference.
When I was a young man, I heard from the pulpit, "Do people look at you and your life and want to know Jesus?" What a load of... well, let's just say that it's a responsibility that I don't believe that God wants us to bear.
Anyway, I have shared some "real" music that is just straight forward lyric in the modern language of the writer who happens to be about a 25 year old young man (I think) and I shared it with some friends. One of those friends has since shared with me some Keith Green music that I haven't heard in quite some time.
Amazing. And my little being there, whinny and bitchy but caring and open... God is the one that does it all. Nothing comes from me- less of me and more of Him. That's the key. That's the point.

I've been challenged a little in my belief about the existence of modern day prophets and what should the factors be in their existence.  Some say that the old testament standards should apply.  That there are no standards mentioned in the NT and so the OT standards must yet apply.
They are wrong.  Corinthians says that there should be a company of prophets to judge a given word. 
As well, the gift of prophecy, which they leave no room for, is a result of redemption.  It is a proof that the veil between man and God is torn.  Wouldn't their existence be a proof that God has become more personal?  That prophesy being a gift, as opposed to an office, available to all who would take it up.  Things will happen, people will abuse, but that's part of growing in the gift.  If you get it right from the get go, perhaps you might consider it as n office, but typically, it takes a bit of time to grow in it.
My experience is that God's grace is huge.  When I was early in learning about this, I was allowed to prophesy from my knowledge of plants- flowers.  Characteristics of plants that I knew would be substance of the words of encouragement that I had for people...  but then again, there are those who don't believe that qualifies as the prophetic.   That encouragement isn't part of the heart of God?

I just spent a lot of time on arguing with some good christian men about reconciliation.
The conflict is over the validity of culture in christianity... one side sees it as the great divider, which I can see.
But there are also a lot of enhancements that could make our lives as christians more effective.
Why are we so threatened by differences?
Why can't we shop and find what works for us and find our lives more effective in evangelism, and worship and liturgy.
As a white guy, indian music is easier to dance to. Its' simpler rhythms are easier to play. The instruments are very quiet, and haunting.much to say, but all said quietly, passionately.
The Orthodox, refer to themsleves as the "The Church" and believe that their liturgy is superior to all others, and each group following- each denomination feel the same way.
I loved that Rick Joyner said that each has a truth that they are keeping, protecting lest we forget. But we still look at our own as superior, and those who pride themselves on being open etc, will go on the offensive if felt threatened. It's just human nature to need to dominate, and this is one more way to do that.

I was just thinking about the idea of the "twinkling of an eye." I have always heard about Jesus coming in the twinkling of an eye and catching up the saints in the air...
I heard it in a very different light this weekend.
The bride groom is waiting for the "bride without spot or wrinkle" and I caught sight of him waiting anxiously and when His eye sparkles it will signal that he can no longer wait, and gets the okay from the Father.
Still getting a handle on that whole Bride of Christ deal.

Last night Bonnie had a word about a red and a silver thread that are attached to me, and have been for a long time, weaving a new medicine bag and soon He'll be putting new things in it.