So, Obama's in office, Jon Stewart masterfully pointed out that the content of his speech was remarkably familiar to his predecessors, I have both found and lost the first girl my age that showed a little interest in me (- and broke my heart)and I am trying, no- realistically, it's more like hoping, to learn everything I can in the midst of the storm.
Yesterday when my heart had swelled and and the scabby part broke open again and the longing within came spilling out, the oddest thought came to me.
I shared it with my good friend Dave and he immediately became concerned for (and I appreciate him for it) my life.
I called him on the phone and it went something like this...

Dave: "Hello, Tumwater City Zoo"

Me: "I don't think dying as a consequence even enters someones mind when they contemplate suicide"

Dave: " "

Me: "I think that their only consideration is to stop hurting because it has become unbearable"

Dave: "Uhm... "

Me: "Just thinking about a disturbing thought I had yesterday"

Dave: "What kind of thought would that have been?"

Me: "The thought came to me that carbon monoxide would be a pretty painless way to go"


Now, my friend needed some assurance that I wasn't looking to do anything drastic and I was happy to provide that, but the realization is that people who take that road aren't really thinking of its permanence. It's about making whatever they are reacting to stop.
I don't know quite why I got this revelation, but there it is.
There is more to this, but I haven't gotten it yet. Probably like most times I'll be driving and won't be able to go anywhere with it, but then again, it will come up when it should.
Don't solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution. Jesus is there and has made the way for you to talk with His Daddy- try that first. It's a little more flexible application.