Just being confronted with so many things at once... Have you ever carried so much before that hadn't been given to you? Have you ever loved so deeply or so selflessly? Is any of this what you think that it is? Is it enough to have sought the best? To have offered your life? To be willing. How will it end?

Why do we speak as though we are an authority on things that we can really only have opinions about? It seems that there is a possibility that we may preach something other than the gospel and that it will stumble many who are being drawn into the kingdom.
I believe that it was Isaiah who said "How lovely on the mountains are the feet of them that bring good news"
Paul referred to the "good news of the gospel" and admonished us to preach "Christ and Him crucified" (I realize that I'm using a little king james here, but that's how I know these verses off the cuff.)
I believe that Paul taught that it was not up to us to preach the law any longer, but to preach grace, that Jesus wants to know us and that He wants to convict us of sin. He actually went out of His way to tell us to cover the sins of our brothers and sisters, and not seek legal counsel if at all possible, I would say to keep too many from knowing one another's dirty laundry as we tend to disqualify those who we know too much about from ministering to us.
Thus gossip is a heinous sin. It's always on the list when ever He makes one. And the first mention of real gossip was when Ham told his brothers of their fathers drunken nakedness.
I think that the gospel is that Jesus will go to any length to get us to choose Him, and that we being in Him need to work that out in ourselves and be encouraging to others that He has made a way... a narrow way because He is the "door", He is the way, the truth and the light/life. You don't do those things that will stumble someone else in their walk, and the rest is working out your own salvation.

Saturday I invited Mark to go with me to hang out with some of my wilder friends... real warriors in the spirit- He is one, he fit right in.
We went to Hammond to play, pray for a depressed areas intercessors and pastors, and to give some folks an excuse to gather together. I don't really know what happened there, and I think that's probably a good thing. It was covered.

One woman shared the path the God has had her on has been to break her of pride and prepare her to receive new young converts. It has drawn much controversy and judgement upon her, and yet she knows that this is the past that God has lead her down- it was quite interesting, encouraging and challenging.

When we got there I began to feel the oppression of the place only I felt it very personally- low on purpose, lost identity, I felt as though I would be offensive on a number of levels (as I often do anyway) and Mark reminded me that I am called to provoke the church to truly good works. That THAT is a large part of my identity, and one that I don't always embrace. It's hard to find people who can really commit to loving you when you are a provoke... And then it comes across , to some extent, as bitterness from being left alone. I've thought it myself, but I begin to know better.

I recently remembered a a prophetic word that I heard during a practice kind of a time and he began to tell me about my wife. In 1998, after I returned from Ireland, it was at a pseudo school. The man said that she was having financial trouble, a health issue and something that I don't remember about the kids. He asked me to verify what he told me, but I couldn't as I hadn't met her yet... funny how things go sometimes.

Well, I almost broke the most important rule that I laid down for myself regarding this blog. I just went in and changed something that was previously published because I didn't want information to flow quite the way that it might. The most important part of this the honesty_ if it gets written down, it stays on the page, just as though it had been spoken... once it's out there, you can't take it back.
There's always something that you wish that you could take back, but that's part of the game of life- like Bruce Cockburn said, "You pay your money and you take your chance."

I was listening to Graham Cooke and he was saying something to the effect that what you are going through is as much about those around you and how they react and interact with you. The important thing to do is to ask th eFahter what He would have you be in a given situation to those people.
I have known people who have been judged for their short comings (okay, maybe I am one of these people) or lack of health or finance, and people just tell them what to do with their lack and don't help them deal with the actual issues- I think that God is going to call them out for that. It sounds too much like "but didn't I cast out demons in your name?" and I think that God is more worried about the level of glory that you bring to the table than whether your tie is straight.

Today was the consumation of a couple of weeks expectation gone awry. My mother was near by and didn't give a word in my direction. She didn't call, nor did my sister, who apparently took charge of the trip. She called my one of my best friends to say that they'd be around, but never me, and the plans made with my friend were so contorted by the time to perform them, no one knew what was happening.
Anyway, I am praying to God that He will get closer- allow me to really get a dose of His "Papa" side. He's going to have to or these abandonment issues that I can't seem to get past will continue to fester. And it's hard to be a child when it wasn't ever really a big part of your youth... BUT I have a promise that He will activate a fathers heart within me by giving me that confidence and showing me that He will in fact never leave or abandon me. I think that He's even big enough to beat this one- but I guess that I'll have to give it to Him for that to happen... Well... I'm tryin' to.
iyokiphi

I've been thinking about the verse that speaks of the foolish man who looks in the mirror and walks away forgetting what he saw. Contextually speaking, I've always considered this to be about forgetting what slime I am, but that never seems to be much of a problem.
Last saturday night He challenged me that when He shows me who I am in Him, I forget that.
I forget His grace.
I forget His mercy.
I forget that His plans to use me were tailored for me, or I was designed for them.
The thing that I remember best is that is that everthing that I think of myself, is common for a man like me to think of himself. God doesn't really need for me to take on so much responsibilty, that is why He speaks so often of us as
children. I think that He's serious about that whole children thing, and I'm exploring it's virtue.
iyokiphi
(he is pleased)

Is it possible that I have, at last met "neo" - "the one"
I have thought of this whole "thing as horse-hockey for a very long time, but today I am becoming forced into considering someone who actually seems to fit the list.
At first I thought tht the list would be too hard for me, because I could only get as far as physical attributes, and then I was lost, but I've begun to realize that the women that I've found to be attractive have had other very attractive bits... music, administrative gifts, servant hearts, similar understanding of the mess that the church is in and why, people groups...
I don't know where the list went, but it is in my head in some form, and I'm feeling pressed to move on it.
I felt as though something was about to happen earlier in the week. I got out a prophetic word that exerts some pressure on my movement that mentions a train and timing. Today I was in corporate prayer and I heard a cuckoo-clock signaling the hour change, and the last words that I heard come out of Neo's mouth were, "I've given God 18 months to give me a spouse"
Can I just say, "oowwwwwww!" I wonder if it's too late to get her e-mail address... Doh!

He walked into the kitchen to fill his coffee cup (a task much better done in the dark).

...And so I felt as though the blind couple deserved an explanation for my hidden snickering in the front of the bus (he was always pretty straight laced and she was quite gregarious) so I told 'em, "My mind runs in some pretty odd paths at times. I was just thinking about a story that my Pastor told about a bumper sticker. Pastor Kate asked Pastor Rick to read the bumper sticker on a car and Rick read out loud 'Dyslexics are people too' and Kate began to laugh. 'Read it again Rick' - 'Dyslexics are people too' - Kate is really laughing now, 'Read it again s-l-o-w-e-r' Dyslexics are teople poo!

And so then one of the guys from work shared with me about a new mothers organization- DAM... Mothers Against Dyslexia

So then naturally following- I asked the nice blind couple in the back of the bus, "Do people ever read braille dyslexia, to which she responded, "I've never heard of such a thing" and He said, "Yes, Bill"

Hmmmm... Last day of July and I have something to say. It may not be as profound as it feels, stirring within me, but I need to commit it before I forget it, so hear it goes in all it's poorly organized glory (organization comes through discussion).
I have come to the conclusion that the point of the bible is personal- God didn't mean for us to quote it the way that we do, clubbing people over the head with it in order to scare them out of hell- citing it as a resource to bolster our arguements with people who don't believe it to be a viable resouce- people using it to justify their loveless lifestyles-

Sorry to use KJV here, but it is the one that I've memorized... "Thy word have I hid in my heart..." I think that (aside from it saying that it aids in avoiding sin) one can use this verse and others to say that we are to have the "word" within to the extent that it permeates your speech and comes out of you without you even knowing that it did, and the impact of the truth in it should be the impacting force behind your statements and your lifestyle.

Then you can draw people to Jesus instead of away from hell, which is really the only effective way of evangelism.

Just something that I had pass through my brain. I'm challenged to get this right... I hope that you may be as well- something about "provoking to good works."

Forgive me my friends for it has been 4 months since my last entry. I have got to get a pc. So much has happened in the last four months, and yet nothing has changed- still single, still not making the big bucks, BUT
He has shown me that by the standards that I have always measured myself by, I am a success. Twice, now in the past three weeks. I wanna tell you about it, but I'm getting off the PC for now. I just wanted to check in because I hadn't in sooooo long.